Elyce at Home

People know when you are not really listening. Even subconsciously, they pick up on it.

Some give up, but others keep trying.

Have you ever been in a conversation where the other person just keeps talking? They may be saying the same thing over and over again or flit around from one subject to another. But they just keep talking. You may be thinking “I got it the first time,” “Enough already,” “How do I get out of this?,” or any of a number of similar loving sentiments.

I found myself in this situation last week. It was an “I got it the first time” inner dialogue.

Then I did something different. I decided to be fully present and engaged in the conversation. I shifted, focusing only on the other person. Then the talking stopped. She was done. She had connected and was satisfied. That was probably what she was looking for in the first place, but I was not giving it to her. I was involved with me and my internal dialogue.

Independent of her political views, I heard something about Hillary Clinton that really impressed me. She may have been first lady or running for the senate at the time. The commentator, who had met her, said that when she talks to you, it is like you are the only person in the room. Her attention and focus is solely on the person she is speaking to. What an awesome way to be with people!

Consciously or unconsciously others know when you are really listening or not.

When you are really listening, you are giving the other person acknowledgment and allowing him/her to be heard.

What a gift!

Filed under: Uncategorized on October 16th, 2008 | 2 Comments »

Everyone has a need to be acknowledged, heard, and understood.

Seems pretty obvious.

But it is amazing to me how little we do that for each other.

Before I had children, I remember standing in line at the grocery store. Ahead of me in line was a mom and her two young children. Her daughter was saying, “Mommy … Mommy … Mommy … Mommy … Mommy…” in that endearing way children have – think nails on a chalkboard. Mom just continued to put the groceries on the belt, ignoring her daughter’s pleas.

I remember thinking that if that woman would just answer the child and listen for just a few seconds, then the little girl would feel heard and stop with the “Mommy, Mommy, Mommy.”

Then I had kids of my own.

I was driving around town with the kids in the back seat, off in my own little world, vaguely aware that there was chatter in the backseat. Then I was brought out of my world with a loud, “Mommy … Mommy … Mommy.”

I had turned into the mom in the grocery store.

I found out it is psychologically impossible to listen to everything a child has to say. If you fully listen to everything, you will go crazy.

But I also realize that when I do listen, I am also not always really listening. I have other things going on in the background…grocery lists, phone calls that need to be made, errands that need to be run, etc.

Actually, to be honest, I guess I should change that to “I am usually not really listening.”

But they know. And they keep trying.

The keep trying to be acknowledged, heard, and understood.

God love ‘em.

Lately I have been working on my listening skills. I still don’t listen to everything that is going on, but when I am having a conversation, I focus on being present and fully listening.

It’s hard!

My pattern was to think about all sorts of things while I was talking with my kids, including coming up with ways to get out of the conversation.

I have been breaking the pattern, one conscious conversation at a time.

I am already seeing rewards. My daughter is opening up and talking to me more.  I think she was looking for that connection.

And I am really enjoying our conversations.

I have more on adults, but I’ll save that for tomorrow.

Filed under: Uncategorized on October 15th, 2008 | No Comments »

John and I were having a discussion about what we enjoyed about the trips we took as kids.

For me, it was riding my bike around a new campground – so fun and independent. Riding up to the camp store, even if I wasn’t going to buy anything, swimming in the new pools, climbing on the rocks in the creek, and playing cards in the camper are all fond memories.

I remember seeing Mt. Rushmore, Old Faithful, and the Rockies. But the most fun on the vacation was the “off” time when I could just play in a new place.

I think that was pretty much the case for Jade and Ryan, too. When I asked them the best part of the trip, climbing on rocks and swimming in pools sprang to mind first.

I still think it is a good idea to show the kids different parts of the country, and eventually, different parts of the world as opportunities present themselves.

But I also realize that a vacation has to be a good mix of seeing the sights and free time so you can play in the creek.

Filed under: Uncategorized on October 13th, 2008 | 1 Comment »

I asked everyone their favorite parts of the trip, what they would have rather skipped, and what they would like to do again:

Jade’s favorite parts were climbing the rocks at Yosemite, wakeboarding in Yuma, and the bus tour in San Francisco. Rawhide in Phoenix was fun, too. She wouldn’t recommend Las Vegas, Hoover Dam, or going too far down the Bright Angel trail in the Grand Canyon. She would like to go back to the Grand Canyon and ride the mules to the bottom of the canyon and hike into Bryce Canyon.

Ryan’s favorite parts were swimming in the pools, Bryce Canyon (but only spend 3 hours there), and Alcatraz (the audio tour, especially). He would have rather skipped the 5 mile hike in Sedona, the bus tour of San Francisco, and Las Vegas (except now he can say he has been to Las Vegas). He says he has pretty much been there and done that and doesn’t have a desire to go back anywhere.

John’s favorite parts were Bryce Canyon, Grand Canyon, and Yosemite. He would like to go back to any of those and spend a week. He didn’t care for Phoenix, Las Vegas, or San Francisco. Not a real city boy, is he?

Nobody asked me, but I will share it with you anyway… My favorite places were Sedona and Zion National Park. I would like to go back to Sedona and to San Francisco to try to get a better feel for the city – off the bus! I wouldn’t recommend Hoover Dam and the bus tour in San Francisco was a bit tedious. Las Vegas was also not my kind of town.

Filed under: Uncategorized on October 12th, 2008 | No Comments »

Day 16 – Back Home

Got up at 3:30 this morning to catch the flight back home.

Little things just seemed to go wrong today…

·         Miscommunication on packing and trying to get out of the room on time. Tension!

·         John left his hat in the hotel room and ran back for it while the shuttle for the airport was there.

·         Suitcases were overweight, and we had to create a new carry-on on the spot.

·         Nothing to eat for breakfast. Vendor lines were too long.

·         Realized Jade left her new Grand Canyon sweatshirt in the terminal as we were boarding the plane. Made mad dash to get it.

·         Short connection time between flights. Trying to get food and other necessities during the 10 minutes before boarding in Denver.

·         After sitting on the plane for over an hour in Denver, they took the plane out of service. We had to change to another plane at the other end of the terminal. John noticed that the flaps weren’t retracting like they were supposed to during the final check.

·         As we were getting on board, realized my purse and Ryan’s sweatshirt were back at the seats we were using in the terminal.

But in the end, we were home, safe and reasonable sound.

On the drive home we quizzed the kids on the portions of our trip to see if it was a 2 week vacation or a 2 week field trip. They did very well, so we deemed it a field trip.

Home - Dogs Happy to See Us

Filed under: Uncategorized on October 11th, 2008 | No Comments »